How Infertility Impacts Your Sex Life
“We have to do it today, because I am ovulating”, I said to my husband. That statement became a common phrase every month when I got the smiley face on my Ovulation Predictor Kit. Little did I know that saying that I was slowly turning my sex life with my husband, into a job, a task. Something we HAD to do.
How Infertility Affects Your Sex Life
My husband and I met in our early 20’s, our attraction to each other was immediate. We said, “I love you”, three months after we started dating and we were sweethearts throughout college. We were young, fun, carefree. We had sex everywhere, every day. It was so good.
When we got married, we immediately started trying to conceive.
After months turned to a year, we consulted with our doctor to see what was going on. My OBGYN was the first doctor I saw. She prescribed Clomid immediately and instructed me to continue to use the Ovulation Predictor Kit. Sex officially became a job. Our goal was no longer to connect intimately, but to make a baby. Years would go by just like this. Positive OPK, sex every other day, stay laying down 15 minutes after and pray for a positive pregnancy test 2 weeks later. We were on autopilot. Sperm and ovulation would rule us.
When we hit our 5.5-year mark of trying to conceive, we were moving on to IVF #3.
We had decided that it would be our last shot. We were depleted financially, emotionally, and our marriage, even though was rock solid, was no longer about him and I, but about my reproductive system.
In June 2016, I had a baby girl from IVF #3. What comes after is a whirlwind. Hormones, postpartum, body changes, and heaps of inadequacies.
Why was this not being talked about? Why wasn’t anyone talking about how Infertility effects your sex life?
And then when you ACTUALLY get pregnant and have a baby, your sex life doesn’t go back to the good Ol’ days because the mission is accomplished. NOT. AT. ALL. In fact, motherhood propels you into another dimension where the only thing that matters is this little human you have created that lays cradled in your arms.
I wish I could tell you I know how to go back to the careless, free, wild, passionate sex like before, but I don’t have the answer, or a secret code to give you. But I do know this: It takes work, it takes shifting priorities, and being intentional about connecting physically with your partner again. Infertility is traumatizing. It robs you of the very thing our body is supposed to do on its own. So how does one erase the years of missionary style, timed sex, when you’re between the sheets? Making it about your partner again. Rekindling your romance by going on dates REGULARLY. Get to know them in this new stage. Ask how they are feeling. Because if infertility is traumatic for the person trying to sport a baby bump, it is just as traumatic for the spouse that stands by their side.
I’d like to say healing is easy, but I would be lying.
Some days are good, some days are rough WOOF. That is why focusing on the sexual health and connection with your spouse is as important as getting a new tire to replace the spare to your car after it got a flat on the highway. So, everything can run smoothly and easily again. My hope for those that find themselves in this situation too, is to be bold enough to talk about it and to reach out to therapists that can help guide the relationship to a healthy physical state. It takes both partners to be vulnerable and willing to repair your sex life by admitting there is an issue, without having shame or judgment.
And when two people have the common goal to heal together, the magic is restored.
Medical Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider or qualified medical professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog.
