Creating Emotional Safety Plans During Infertility

During the struggle to grow your family, emotions run high, and they run deep. Little things can set off an army of negative emotions that can take you from having a mentally good day to a mentally terrible day. These triggers can occur from thoughts in our own minds and also from the outside world. As a society, we are bombarded with images of women and children, the perfect baby bump and the perfect family. As our lives are put on hold, others are moving forward, and we come against the struggle to be happy for our family and friends when holding our own sadness for ourselves and our situation.

Creating Emotional Safety Plans During Infertility

Triggers can happen when we receive a baby shower invite in the mail or are made to attend a special work celebration for a colleague who recently welcomed a baby. We may feel intense emotion when we come across the baby section in a store. We may be overcome with feelings when we scroll through social media and come across a pregnancy announcement.

How do you establish emotional safety plans for moments like these? Moments that may take you off guard and hit you at the core?

Well, number one, validate your own feelings. Remind yourself that you are currently going through a struggle and having a hard time. It is normal to have a reaction to something triggering. You will not always feel as strongly as you do right now (when confronted with these situations) and it is okay to feel how you do in this very moment. Most importantly, give yourself grace – if you need to be angry, be angry. If you need to cry, let it out. If you need a moment to be alone, take that time. Number two, set boundaries. This may mean a break from social media or unfollowing accounts that are especially triggering at this time. It may be a boundary you make with yourself that you will not attend baby showers but instead find ways to celebrate your family/friends in a more comfortable, manageable way. It may mean telling certain people in your life that you need to distance yourself right now in order to protect your heart. It could be doing more online shopping so that you do not need to be out in a store that brings up difficult emotions. Ounce you learn to validate and accept your feelings and work to create boundaries that feel good and healthy, then, try one these coping strategies…

Mental Readjustment Strategies

· Practice mediation

· Deep breathing techniques

· Progressive muscle relaxation

· Imagery

Ways to Distract from Unwanted Thoughts and Feelings

· Read

· Find humor (watch a funny television show or movie or a comedy special)

· Engage in coloring, drawing or painting

· Garden

· Take a long bath or shower

· Clean or organize

· Go shopping

· Take a walk or go for a drive

Social Coping Strategies

· Talk to someone you trust

· Set boundaries and say “no”

· Write a note or letter to someone

· Spend time with friends or family

· Spend time with a pet

Ways to Engage in Cognitive Coping

· Lower your expectations of the situation

· Brainstorm solutions

· Focus on a mantra or positive affirmation

· Be flexible

· Write a list of goals

· Make a gratitude list

· Write a list of pros and cons for decisions

· Reward yourself after a difficult situation

Healthy Habits

· Get the right amount of sleep

· Eat healthy, nourishing foods

· Drink enough water

· Be mindful of caffeine and alcohol intake

· Practice deep/slow breathing

· Rest when you can

Above all else, find your tribe. Find the support you need to speak freely without judgement. Perhaps that is with a trusted family member, maybe it is with a close friend. Support might be found through an online community of women and couples facing the same struggles. It may be a support group offered by your fertility clinic. Wherever you may go for support, lean into it. And if you are struggling with finding the right support, always know there are trusted mental health professionals available to speak with. It is important to have an outlet, no matter what it may look like. The struggle of infertility is an isolating, lonely journey, but it certainly doesn’t have to be made worse trying to manage everything that comes along with it all on your own.

Medical Disclaimer:

The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider or qualified medical professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog.

Cristina is a licensed therapist with a mission to bring more awareness, education and support to topics like infertility, the journey to motherhood and beyond. With over a decade of experience in the mental health field, she has developed a wealth of knowledge around ways to help cope with emotions, tackle fears and barriers and live a more present, healthy life. Through her own experiences and struggles in trying to grow my family, she has found a personal connection to the world of infertility and new motherhood. Cristina is passionate about helping women overcome the mental health challenges that this struggle can often present. And most importantly, her goal is to help normalize and validate the emotional hardships that can occur along the way.