When IVF Doesn’t Equal a Baby

I do believe in trying as much as you can for something you want so badly, but I think, having the knowledge I do now, understanding that sometimes it doesn’t work and trying to be OK with that could have helped my sanity for the first two and a half years.

When IVF Doesn’t Equal a Baby

Like most hopeful first timers, my husband and I decided to do IVF so that we could have a baby. We wanted to choose the sex and make sure it was just one since we didn’t think we could do multiples again. So, there we were, August 2017 after trying naturally all summer with the hopes of a miracle happening. We sat in the doctors’ office as they laid out our calendar. Birth control pills, hormones, egg retrieval, birth control, PGS testing, frozen embryo transfer and then baby! Perfect! We were ready, our twins were 6 and we thought it was the perfect time to expand our family. We told some people, and everyone kept congratulating us as if we were already expecting. We rolled with it, I mean it was IVF, it was supposed to work out that way, right?

Well after only having one embryo to work with, we transferred the little one, and sadly it did not take. I was devastated. I didn’t understand, and more importantly, this meant I had to do the whole thing over again. Another 30k, another 4 months and another surgery. But they say the second time usually works because your body is “used” to all the added hormones, at least that’s what the doctor informed us. SO once again, we rolled with that. After all, that was our only piece of hope.

However, the second retrieval yielded the same results. We had one normal embryo and one mosaic. We transferred both. We were told this would help our odds (and after switching doctors and researching we later learned it doesn’t). But anyway, there we were. Transfer number two, and once again, this outcome was the same, no baby.

We stopped telling people, we took a break for three months. I worked on my health, my thyroid, my vitamin levels. I trained to become a yoga teacher, I found my happy place and felt human again. But I was still missing something, I was still longing for that baby.

We started again. We did a third egg retrieval.

We got 3 embryos this time and decided not to test them. We thought, maybe we should do something different, maybe then this will work. Well, guess what, our first embryo from this cycle took! We were elated! We figured it out, we had beat the system and we were done! We even talked about a 4th now that we knew it could happen. But at 8 weeks, the day I was supposed to graduate from my fertility center, the baby stopped growing. I had a miscarriage, and we couldn’t try again until May. Life seemed to move so slowly. Everything made me cry. I was more confused than ever. IVF was supposed to mean we would have a baby. I was (am) still young. We are both healthy, why was this so hard?

We tried another FET and failed.

We jumped into another retrieval (now two years later) and got 3 PGS tested normal embryos. NOW we thought this had to work. We knew I could get pregnant, we were ready, again. But after swearing I was pregnant, we had another loss, the baby didn’t stick. I was devastated. Here came more tests, a pelvic MRI, antibiotics and letrozole. Why was this happening? This wasn’t part of the original plan, of the calendar I got more than two years ago. IVF is not what I thought it would be.

Transfer 6 failed again, even after the tests, the medicine and the thought that we had “fixed” what was wrong. I was done. I didn’t want to transfer our last embryo. I didn’t want to go through the ups and downs, I didn’t want to deal with heartache again, I didn’t want to face loss anymore. But we moved forward. We finally understood that IVF doesn’t always mean baby. We realized that it’s a coin toss, its science and nature and everything working together in perfect harmony to make this work. We knew this might be the last try. I was fried, I was done trying. And I was going to be OK with that. For once, I felt like this was just how things would be. I was ok knowing I tried very hard, I gave it all my effort, time and money but I was done sacrificing my girls and our lives so much. So, in we went. FET #7, and well I’m beyond shocked still that this time we did get our miracle and that little embryo decided to stick.

But I realize now, IVF doesn’t always mean baby.

I wish it did, I wish I could tell everyone out there that it will absolutely 100% happen. I do believe in trying as much as you can for something you want so badly, but I think, having the knowledge I do now, understanding that sometimes it doesn’t work and trying to be OK with that could have helped my sanity for the first two and a half years. I still believe IVF works, I mean I’m living proof, but I also know that it doesn’t always work, that it takes time and that sometimes it’s not enough to make that baby. BUT I do believe that everyone can have a family, if IVF doesn’t work there, are other avenues. I dove pretty deep into a few. Know that your family however big or small it may be, is still a family, and however you want to shape it, is up to you. And you know what? You deserve to shape it. So do whatever you need to do to get there! IVF of not, it’s yours to create.

Medical Disclaimer:

The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider or qualified medical professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog.