9 Relationship Tips to Sustain Your Marriage Through Infertility

For many couples, deciding to start a family is a time filled with excitement and hope. You imagine what your future children will be like and who they will look like. You dream about a picture-perfect family and how you will decorate the nursery. And of course, you have fun “practicing,” as so many like to say, in the bedroom, that is. For couples struggling with infertility, those feelings of anticipation and excitement can quickly turn to exhaustion and worry. The so called “baby dance” can become a chore, lacking in enjoyment. Intimacy becomes planned with one goal only and conversations center solely around talk of pregnancy.

When you struggle to bring about your dreams of a family, you can lose yourself and your relationship can be challenged in ways you never anticipated. It is so important to foster your relationship as you navigate the world of infertility. The struggles you face can negatively affect your marriage, but they can also strengthen your bond if you are mindful of what you both need and remember that you are the foundation of the future family you are trying so desperately to build.

If you feel your marriage could use a little lift, here are some ideas to keep in mind…

1. Have Baby-Free Talk Time:

It is so easy to lose sight of everything else when your one main focus is on growing your family. Talk of pregnancy or fertility treatment can easily overtake most conversations. It is so important to make sure you are making time to connect as partners by talking about more than just bringing baby on board. Whether you need to set a scheduled time to discuss baby related things or simply just learn to be more mindful of the conversations you are having, remember to disconnect from the #ttc (trying to conceive) life and reconnect with one another.

2. Schedule Dates:

Welcoming a baby is a wonderful step in your life together, but your partnership is the foundation of that future life. Spending time to connect and enjoy each other’s company is necessary and important. Think about all of the things you love to do as a couple that may become difficult once you begin growing your family. Schedule time to do those things. If it is difficult to make those things happen, have date night in and order your favorite take-out food, watch a movie together, play games or do puzzles…find enjoyment in spending time together.

3. Find Intimacy in Other Ways:

Take time to surprise your spouse with his/her favorite things. Cuddle up on the couch with your favorite television show. Take a long walk or hike a nearby trail. Cook a meal together. Find ways to connect with one another outside of the bedroom and outside of the world of infertility.

4. Be Kind and Supportive:

While it is so important to make time to step away from talk of babies, it is also just as important to engage in open communication with one another about the hard stuff. Learn how to express your fears and raw emotions with each other so that you may understand what each other needs as you move forward with your next steps.

5. Cope with your Coping Strategies:

It is very rare that you and your partner will manage your emotions in the exact same way. For example, you may like to perseverate on something until you are exhausted from thinking about it whereas

your spouse may give it two seconds of thought and move on. It is important not to become upset with your partner if he/she does not seem to cope the same way you do. Take time to learn and understand each other’s coping styles and accept the differences.

6. Give Each Other Room to Breathe:

Allowing each other the space needed to process, cope and sometimes grieve throughout this journey is just as important as making the time to be together. You may not always be on the same page, and that is okay, as long as you give one another the time needed to manage, then come back together and create a plan moving forward.

7. Find Support Beyond One Another:

Just as you want to be sure to allow your partner the space he/she may need to cope, it is also important to have a supportive outlet for yourself beyond your spouse. This can be a close family member, a trusted friend, a community support group or a mental health professional. Allow yourself and your partner to strengthen outside relationships in order to strengthen your relationship with one another.

8. Remember the Other 3 Weeks of the Month:

When making a baby is the only thing on your mind, it is so easy to become focused solely on your most fertile window. But there are many more days in a month than optimal baby making days. Sex can easily become calculated and scheduled. Try your hardest to not let sex become something you do for only one purpose.

9. Don’t Forget to Laugh:

The journey of infertility can be filled with ups and downs, heartbreak and fear. No matter how difficult your road, or how exhausted you become, find ways to laugh with one another. Look for the joy and find the good in every opportunity you have.

Cristina is a licensed therapist with a mission to bring more awareness, education and support to topics like infertility, the journey to motherhood and beyond. With over a decade of experience in the mental health field, she has developed a wealth of knowledge around ways to help cope with emotions, tackle fears and barriers and live a more present, healthy life. Through her own experiences and struggles in trying to grow my family, she has found a personal connection to the world of infertility and new motherhood. Cristina is passionate about helping women overcome the mental health challenges that this struggle can often present. And most importantly, her goal is to help normalize and validate the emotional hardships that can occur along the way.

Medical Disclaimer:

The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider or qualified medical professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog.