Going Through an IVF Transfer with Kids
There are a lot of things that are difficult when going through IVF. All the appointments, the hormones, the waiting, the negative results and the tests. It’s all hard, but sometimes I feel like it’s a different ball game when you have kids around. It’s so hard to not let them see what’s going on, to constantly hide your emotions and try to not let them see you cry. I have to hide in my bathroom to administer my shots and hide in my closet to cry. They come looking for me, as all kids do, and then a flood of guilt comes over me. It’s a constant battle in my own head. I wipe my tears, smile and pretend everything is OK.
Going Through an IVF Transfer with Kids
One of the hardest things has been trying to figure out how to deal with the transfer. Not the actual transfer, that parts easy. I go, drink water, take a Valium and spread my legs. I feel great after, and I can go home and sleep. But what do I do with my girls? Do they come with me to the Dr.? Do I have someone get them from school?
I’ve actually done both. We’ve had friends help with taking them after school in the past and we’ve taken them with us other times. And through all this experience, I’ve discovered that the more we tell them, the more honest we are with them (with a lot of filters) the easier this all is.
We schedule our transfers for the afternoon.
We pick them up from school together and we all go to the doctor. I have their iPad and some snacks, and they are so excited because we only let them use their iPad on airplane rides (unless it is for school). So, they are very happy to sit and wait for us! My girls are also very well behaved. I don’t know how we got so lucky, but they are so well mannered, and I never have to worry about them following the rules. So, we all head into the office. They sit and since I’ve done so many transfers and retrievals, the office assistant knows them now and doesn’t mind having them there.
We’ve prepped them by now.
“Mommy is going to come out in a wheelchair, but mommy is fine! I’m totally healthy and sometimes the medicine they give me makes mommy feel dizzy.” They seem to be ok with this answer, for now. I reassure them that we are OK, and the doctor is just checking me to make sure we can have a baby! This is always the line I give them now, which is true, just vague. But I think they are happy with that. In the past we would tell them my foot was hurting or my back, but I hated lying so much and placing any worry on them killed me! I make sure to ask them if they have any questions, and while the answer is usually no, I continue to encourage dialogue.
We come out, I’m in a wheelchair and they look uneasy. I reassure them once more; I move my legs and my body to make them see everything is fine. Then they ask me what’s for dinner. So, I know they’re at ease.
At home, we tell them that I have to take it easy for a few days.
They understand and are so helpful. But I start to feel guilty. I’m home, I’m healthy and yet my kids seem slightly worried. I always cry at night, I always feel like the worst mom because here I am trying to have another one, killing myself to do it and yet I have these two amazing girls in front of me! But I know I’m doing this for our family. I know it will be OK in the end. I know the girls are happy, healthy and loved. I know they are strong, and I know they will understand one day. It doesn’t change how guilty I feel when they ask me how I’m feeling but I smile with pride because they’ve become the kindest little girls I’ve ever met. So, we are doing something right at least, and that helps me sleep at night.
Medical Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider or qualified medical professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog.
