I've Been Personally Victimized by a BFN (Big Fat Negative)
Raise your hand if you have been personally victimized by a BFN, a one hit wonder, a one-line warrior, the destroyer of all things good - a negative pregnancy test. Here I am raising both hands so high! I have been victimized more times in the last year than I ever thought possible.
I have seen that one line before many years ago, but I wasn't trying then. That single line came as a relief, a restart, a weight off my shoulders. Now I'd sell my left kidney for a second line to appear. I mean COME ON! Is it too much to ask for? Do I want it too badly? Why isn't this happening for me? Was being diagnosed with PCOS, following all my doctor’s protocol, and having a hysteroscopy surgery not enough?
After getting my diagnosis of PCOS, I thought, alright, here we go, this is the culprit - you know what they say, knowledge is power - so surely now that we know the cause and we have a plan in place it will work. I'll get to see that BFP. Then came along the HSG test - one I fully intended to ace - but passed with less than flying colors leading me to my hysteroscopy surgery.
Alright warriors, so no big thing, just a quick surgery and off we go - one step closer to that BFP because surely now that we have a diagnosis of PCOS, have undergone surgery, and have a plan, this will work. I will get that BFP.
Three IUIs later and sadly I am still victimized by that BFN - I mean have you ever taken a test tossed it, then went back later to see if it changed its mind to give you the answer you desire? I have and though I've hoped it would work in my favor, it hasn't. My BFP hasn't happened YET.
Now that YET, is what's getting me through. The yet allows me to hang on to hope when the bad days try to take over and I hope it does for you too. I know my miracle is coming. I'm currently in what I like to call mamas waiting season - where I am 100% a mama in my heart, I'm just waiting for my sweet bundle of joy to fill my arms. I am putting it out there for the universe - my heart is open; my mind is clear and all I need is my baby here!
Sending you all the love and baby dust!
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The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider or qualified medical professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog.
