Infertility Can Consume You: Carusone’s IVF Story

Hello, we are Marisa and Ryan Carusone- we are both 35. After years of friendship, we fell in love.

Infertility Can Consume You: Carusone’s IVF Story

In March of 2021, Ryan and I got married. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mother. We wanted to start our family right away. We were so excited to find out we were pregnant, and I remember thinking, how lucky we were to have fallen pregnant so quickly.

This pregnancy ended in loss in September 2021. I knew that miscarriages could hurt physically, but that was nothing in comparison to the emotional pain in my chest. I made a connection to this little life inside me. I was certain this was our time. I had to tell my husband. I could barely choke out the words. He came home from work- we cried together. In comparison to the resounding joy we had felt- the contrast of the deep plummet to grief seemed insurmountable.

I was completely devasted, and my husband and I struggled to grieve the loss.

We tried to carry- on and keep trying. I wanted so badly to put the miscarriage behind me, in my eyes the only way I would be able to heal was to conceive again. We started to try again as soon I was cleared by my doctor. I filled my cabinets with Ovulation Test Kits, every brand of pregnancy test, basil body temperature thermometers, and a designated testing cup. Every passing month on the calendar yielded a new negative test, and the reopening of the wound.

In summer of 2022, we had passed our due date of our would be baby. I felt like I was fighting to keep my head above water. We were referred by my OB/GYN to undergo some testing. My husband was referred to a reproductive urologist for sperm analysis.

I completed a full fertility blood panel, and an Saline Sonohyseterogram (SHG). This revealed there was a potential blockage in one of my fallopian tubes and some polyps on my uterus. I was then referred for further testing with a Hysterosalpingogram (HSG). This x-ray testing was inclusive- and they wanted to move forward with a laparoscopic diagnostic procedure and a hysteroscopy to remove the polyps. I would have to wait until the end of December for the procedure to be complete. After I completed the surgery, they confirmed there was no issues with my fallopian tubes- and I was cleared of any diagnosis.

In the meantime- my husband had met with the reproductive urologist. His results came back identifying issues with the mobility and morphology- and he would have to follow up with three more sperm analyses. After they were complete- we would identify we had a male factor fertility diagnosis. Our REI was very confident that once we were able to isolate the sperm that IUI would be a great option for us.

My husband was burdened with guilt- and felt responsible for the suffering we had both endured. But I never felt blame or shame in our situation toward him. I love him very much, and this wasn’t “his” issue. It was ours.

I was ready to move forward with the IUI process. And I was feeling very hopeful based on our conversations with the doctor. January 2023- we began protocol for our first IUI. We used my natural cycle- and I was feeling very comfortable that we had identified the hang ups in on conception journey- and that this was going to work. We arrived at the office the day of the IUI procedure, and I was nervous- but excited. When the procedure began, the practitioner let us know that the counts were lower than they had anticipated- it was enough to move forward with the IUI- but was low probability for success. It was like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

The next two weeks of our TTW were excruciating. The day I was due to take a pregnancy test, my cycle arrived. I felt robbed of the chance to even use one of the pregnancy test I was collecting. With my cycle came a new cycle day 1, and tweaks to protocol would be made before we waited for another IUI procedure. This time I was less confident, and I sobbed during the entire procedure.

Another two week wait, another negative, another cycle day 1.

This time in one of my scans- I developed a cyst on my left ovary from the medication. As I layed on the ultrasound table, the REI broke the news to me that our cycle was cancelled effective immediately. I broke down on the table. The emotional turmoil of the cyclical failure caught up to me. It was March 2023. Women I knew were lapping me in pregnancies. They had their children in the due date groups I was a part of. Women that were pregnant the same time I was were pregnant again. My husband and I felt like we were in a deep darkness.

At this point, after we spoke with our REI team- and we decided IVF was the next step for us. We began our first round of IVF in late May of 2023. I am terrified of needles. This was like shock therapy, that did not work.

IVF is very hard emotionally as well as physically. There were many days I felt I couldn’t continue on.

My husband supported me so much during the entire STIM cycle. After 11 days we were ready to trigger and go for the egg retrieval. I was hoping that we would have great results and yield embryos to build our family.

When I woke up from the egg retrieval, they let me know I only had 11 eggs. At the end of day 5 we had 4 blastocysts that was sent for PGTA testing. After a long two weeks of waiting, we found out we had 1 euploid embryo. I was about to turn 34- I did not know if this was going to be our only chance-or if we wanted to ever try for another baby- I didn’t know where we would be or how long that would take. With our team we decided to try another cycle to see if we could yield a second egg. We would have to wait until September.

We started again. On day 3 of my stims cycle- I experienced an ovarian cyst burst. I was in a lot of pain, but we were able to continue the cycle. I was relieved. We would yield one more euploid embryo for a total of two.

We would transfer our September embryo in November of 2023. We administered PIO shots, which was so intimidating. I am not great with needles- and at this point I thought I would be more comfortable- but I did not get used to it.

After the longest two weeks of our lives- we had a positive BETA test. I could not believe it. Finally, after over two years of trying to conceive, we had a positive test. Two days later we had a confirmed pregnancy with our second BETA. We held each other and cried happy tears.

During week 6 of pregnancy- I had significant bleeding. I was terrified that this journey was coming to an early end. We shakingly arrived at our ultrasound appointment, which showed a beating heart of our baby, and a subchorionic hematoma- the source of the bleeding. This would happen two more times before we graduated from our fertility clinic. I was not familiar with subchorionic hemotomas before these incidents.

The rest of my pregnancy was smooth, and we welcomed our beautiful baby girl this summer. Although our journey was painful, long and full of heartaches- we are so grateful for our outcome. With out IVF and fertility treatments- our family would not be a reality. My husband Ryan and I share our story as much as we can, however we can.

Many people don’t know much about IVF- or how much a battle with infertility can consume you- and if there is anything we can do to provide a listening ear or encouragement to other couples- we will always be there. Accounts like @the.ivf.warrior kept me afloat in a time I felt alone- and I am forever grateful for the community of IVF warriors that guided me when I was looking for advice- or hope.

Medical Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider or qualified medical professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog.