Important Lessons Infertility Warriors Want You to Know
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). NIAW aims to raise awareness about infertility and the common struggles and challenges individuals and couples face.
Important Lessons Infertility Warriors Want You to Know
Infertility is one of the most challenging things to ever endure. It is a complete rollercoaster of emotions and can take a toll on your mental health and overall well-being in various ways. Infertility is a medical disease, and those facing it, deal with a multitude of struggles. There are often many lessons learned along the way, so we asked infertility warriors their most helpful advice for those currently struggling with infertility. Read their words of hope and support below.
There is no doubt that infertility and IVF, physically, are hard. Your body goes through the wringer with all the hormone injections and medications. But personally, what I was most challenged with was the mental aspect of this journey.
The uncertainty, the potential loss, the inconsistency, the doubts, the fears, the weight of BIG decisions - it packs a punch that’s often deeper and more painful than the needles themselves.
These are some of my truths I stood by that helped and supported my mental health through the process:
1. Protect your peace. Know that people will project their own doubts, insecurities based on their limited knowledge around the process. Unfortunately, some people’s beliefs systems work in overdrive and bypass empathy which, whether with intent or not, can hurt you. Understand it is not YOUR job to educate them and don’t engage with those who are unwilling to meet you where you are at or be open to learning.
2. Know comments like you should adopt, “just relax, just ____”, are coming from a lack of awareness. It is not the infertility community to fix broken systems. You are deserving of what you want.
3. It isn’t uncommon for family and friends to not be your main support system on this journey. Unless they have been through it themselves, their support may be limited because of lack of experience and awareness. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you or won’t root you on, but finding support with another infertile friend(s) in person or virtually will make a WORLD’S of a difference.
4. Speaking of virtual friendships, I encourage you to follow other infertile and IVF warriors online. Reading and hearing other people’s journey can inspire hope, widen your perspective and also keep you grounded.
5. I prefer to sit in a place of hope rather excitement; excitement sometimes create expectations and if those aren’t meant, the crash is so much more painful and harder to recover from.
6. If you’re anxious or battle depression, seek some type of therapy that resonates with you prior to starting to help address root issues, build a healthy toolbox of resources and practices when those hard moments happen, and it also forces you to deal with your feelings head on instead of driving around it.
7. You have permission to block or mute accounts that trigger you - pregnancy announcements, IVF success, etc.
8. Over project your timeline for IVF - it’s generally not a linear journey.
9. There is room for marginal error. If you didn’t do a shot at the exact time, forgot to change a patch, etc. Breathe and notify your doctor. Remember doing your best is perfect!
Know your best is YOUR BEST. You are enough. You are capable. Your body is strong. You are resilient. You are worthy.
Infertility is more than a negative pregnancy test. It is the heartache of grieving the life you thought you'd have and the anxiety about what the future holds. It is the constant tug of war between hope and grief.
And, while there are many things to share about infertility, I want you to know it's okay to not be okay while going through any part of your fertility journey.
Because there will likely be days when you won't be able to hold back your tears. You may cry in unexpected places like parking lots, doctor's offices, restaurants, and bathroom stalls because everything you're going through feels too much.
And that's okay.
There may be days you'll feel so confused, so mad at what you're going through, wondering why it is so hard to have a baby when it seems so easy for everyone else.
And that's okay.
There will be days you won't know what to do, which step to take, or how you will get through any of it.
And that's okay.
There might be days when you feel like everything is falling apart because life looks nothing like the one you pictured.
And that's okay.
Infertility is so much more than a diagnosis. It's the invisible weight carried by the 1 in 6 that many people never see or understand, yet it affects every aspect of life.
So, it's okay to feel the hurt, jealousy, anxiety, and everything in between. You are not any less of a person for feeling these feelings. Infertility is hard, and there is no playbook for grieving and healing. So, please know it is safe to feel all that is in your heart.
And, if you need support, I encourage you to find your tribe online. Connecting with others going through infertility has helped me feel seen after feeling so alone in infertility. Having someone to talk to who understands the heaviness of it all has made me feel so supported.
I'm rooting for you. You've got this. ♡
It’s so hard to know what any infertility journey will become. Never did I expect mine to last 10 years. From triplets to twins and then IvF years later for our last, nothing was expected and yet looking back, nothing was unexpected if that makes sense.
But as this chapter has closed for me, as I am now termed one of the lucky ones with my family being complete, there are some things I hope to pass on to others. Things I wish I had known and things I hope others understand about all this.
There is no guarantee. Maybe this is obvious, but I didn’t realize this for the first few years. It seems unfair. We are putting our bodies through so much, paying and doing everything “right” to have a baby and yet we could walk away with nothing. But it’s reality. I lost 7 babies before having a successful live birth. I spent years trying to work on my body with multiple doctors and finally had my rainbow. I’m not sure if it would have been easier had I known it could take years but maybe the expectation and pressure I had on myself would have been lessened if I knew I wasn’t the only one struggling.
On that same breath, finding community is key. Understating that I’m not alone, that my body isn’t broken and that I’m not any less than someone who is fertile was hard to come by. But once I realized there was a community of people who were also on this journey, my strength built back up. I felt seen and my ability to fight and move forward was so much more supported. Community is magic, and going through infertility without it was one of the hardest things, until I found it.
I also want to reiterate how important mental health is. That during this journey, you should still live your life. You don’t have to put pause on what brings you joy and in fact, those things are important to help navigate infertility. Go outside, exercise, plan trips, meet with people who support you, do things for you! My one regret was not living enough all those years. Don’t let this stop you from knowing you are allowed to be happy. Both can coexist.
Bottom line, if you’re going through infertility, take care of you. Find support, friends, community, therapists, nature, exercise and food. It’s not easy but these are things you deserve no matter what your journey looks like.
No Referral Needed: I wish I knew you didn't have to have a referral to go to a fertility clinic. Accessing support shouldn't be a barrier.
Choice in Care: I wish I knew I didn't have to stay loyal to a doctor. It's okay to shop around and seek better care when needed.
Emotional Rollercoaster: The emotional toll of infertility can lead you into not recognizing yourself as years pass. It's okay to acknowledge and seek support for this journey.
The Invisible Struggle: It takes immense energy to wake up every day and go on living your life like nothing else is going on. Infertility is an invisible battle.
Mixed Feelings: I hate that I hate pregnancy announcements. It's a complex emotion that adds guilt to an already shaky journey.
Finding Support: I wish I had created my Instagram sooner. It's now my lifeline, connecting me with others and providing education and support.
Complex Solutions: Despite advances in medical technology, infertility doesn't always have a straightforward solution. It's a complex journey with no guarantees.
IVF Realities: IVF doesn't guarantee a baby. It's a tough reality to accept but an important one to acknowledge.
Patience and Grace: I wish people would be more patient with those going through infertility and give them grace. It's a challenging journey that requires understanding and support.
The Real Fear: The shots aren't the scary part; it's the unknown of having a baby that truly terrifies.
Infertility, recurrent pregnancy loss, IVF, failed transfers, canceled cycles, surrogacy, and more, consumed my life for almost a decade. I became completely consumed by it, and felt overwhelmed every day. I wanted to pull myself out of it, but I felt like I could barely breathe.
I went through waves of hope, hopelessness, joy, grief, gratitude, anger, and at some points felt absolutely numb. I needed a support system and a community where I felt safe sharing my experiences and connecting with others. I do not want others to have to feel the way I did. I want to help lift people out of the depths, and walk alongside them. I want to support people in the way I desperately craved support. My journey led me to create The Empowered Space, with free communities for those going through infertility, secondary infertility, pregnancy loss, and surrogacy, and I will expand to more communities over time. I also have opportunities to one-on-one support programs, as well as small group support options. You are not alone. You deserve a support system and to connect with others in a safe space. I know that going through infertility, loss, and more, can be extremely isolating, but you do not have to go through this alone. In fact, please do not go through this alone. These communities will give you that safe space, while allowing you to share with others who can completely understand you in a trigger-free, confidential environment. Join us today at The Empowered Space.
Infertility is something you never think will affect you, until it does. With it, comes a slew of emotions, thoughts, and challenges. I wish I knew then, what I know now. It would have maybe saved me some heartbreak and tears along the way.
For those at the beginning of their journey, or currently in the thick of it, I cannot stress enough the importance of prioritizing your mental health.
Whether that means therapy, counseling, coaching, support groups, or finding a community online, having support, taking measures to protect your well-being, and practicing ways to put your needs first, is essential.
This journey is hard. Quite possibly the hardest thing you will ever endure, so having a tribe, a support team, and the necessary resources to get through this marathon, will help you navigate these heavy waters feeling more empowered and prepared for the challenges ahead. Infertility is challenging, but you don't need to navigate this alone.
Medical Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider or qualified medical professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog.
