How to Support a Friend Going Through IVF

Infertility doesn’t just impact the person going through it—it affects every relationship around them. If you have a friend going through IVF, you might feel unsure about what to say, how to help, or if you’re doing enough. Here’s the truth: your support can mean everything. Even if you don’t have the perfect words, showing up matters.

How to Support a Friend Going Through IVF

As IVF warriors, we know how isolating this journey can be. That’s why we created this guide—to help you be the friend she needs right now. It’s full of compassionate, clear, non-awkward ways to support someone going through fertility treatments, even if you’ve never experienced it yourself.

1. Don’t Wait for Her to Ask for Help

IVF is physically and emotionally exhausting. Your friend might not have the energy to explain what she needs. Instead of saying, "Let me know if you need anything," try:

• “I’m bringing dinner over tomorrow—would you prefer pasta or soup?”

• “Want me to come with you to your next appointment?”

• “I’m free this weekend. Want to hang out?”

Be specific. Be gentle. Be proactive.

2. Avoid the "At Least" and "Just Relax" Comments

We know you mean well, but phrases like "Just relax and it will happen," or "At least you know you can get pregnant," can feel dismissive. IVF is complex, expensive, and deeply emotional. A better alternative?

• “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m here for you.”

• “I can’t imagine how hard this is, but I’m holding space for you.”

You don’t need to fix anything. Just validate their experience.

3. Respect Privacy and Boundaries

Some days she might want to talk. Others, she might not. Follow her lead. Don’t pressure her to share details. And absolutely never share her story with others unless she gives you permission.

IVF is full of sensitive timelines, procedures, and waiting. If she opens up, listen without judgment or advice.

4. Learn the Basics of IVF

You don’t need to become a medical expert, but learning the basics (like what a transfer is or how the two-week wait works) can help you show up in more thoughtful ways. It shows that you care enough to understand what she’s going through. Learning about common misconceptions is important too.

Still unsure? Ask, "What would be most helpful right now?"

5. Show Up for the Milestones

Whether it’s the start of a new cycle, egg retrieval day, embryo transfer, or test results—acknowledge these moments. A text, a card, a tiny care package. IVF is filled with big milestones and bigger emotions. Marking those moments reminds her she’s not alone.

6. Hold Space for the Grief

Each failed cycle, negative test, or loss is devastating. Even if she never had a physical pregnancy loss, there is still grief. The grief of lost embryos. The grief of what should have been. Let her feel it. Don’t rush her to move on. Instead, say:

• “I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about it or just be together?”

• “This sucks. I’m here, no matter what.”

7. Celebrate Her, Not Just the Outcome

One of the hardest parts of IVF is feeling like your worth depends on the outcome. Celebrate her for her strength, her vulnerability, her resilience—not just whether or not she gets pregnant.

Try this: “I’m so proud of you for everything you’re carrying. You are doing an incredible job.”

8. Keep Showing Up

Even when the cycles drag on. Even when there’s a break from treatment. Even if she’s not sharing as much. Don’t disappear. Send a check-in text. Drop off her favorite snack. Send a meme. Keep showing up, because IVF is a long journey—a marathon, not a sprint.

Being a friend through IVF doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means being present. Being consistent. Being real. You don’t have to say the perfect thing. You just have to show up and let her know she matters. Because in a world where IVF often feels like a lonely uphill battle, your friendship can be the soft place she lands.

Medical Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider or qualified medical professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog.