10 Things NOT to Say to Someone with Infertility
Infertility is more than just a medical diagnosis—it’s an emotional rollercoaster and often, an isolating experience. For those of us in this fight, words carry weight. A well-meaning comment can land like a gut punch, while true support can feel like a lifeline. That’s why the Reproductive Mental Health Institute’s video campaign, 10 Things NOT to Say to Someone with Infertility, is so powerful. It holds up a mirror to the casual, often painful remarks those of us struggling to conceive hear all too often.
10 Things NOT to Say to Someone with Infertility
Infertility seeps into every part of your existence. It reshapes how you see yourself, your relationships, and the world around you. And yet, we don’t talk enough about the impact on our mental health. This video by the Reproductive Mental Health Institute highlights many of the internal struggles and challenges someone with infertility faces. We need more real conversations about the toll infertility takes and better support for those of us living it—because infertility shouldn't be fought in silence.
The Words That Hurt
If you’ve been through infertility, you’ve probably heard at least one (if not all) of these:
"Just relax, and it will happen."
"Have you tried [insert unsolicited advice]?"
"You can always adopt!"
"At least you don’t have kids keeping you up at night."
"It’ll happen when it’s meant to."
"Maybe it’s not meant to be."
"But you’re so young/healthy!"
"My friend got pregnant after she stopped trying."
"Everything happens for a reason."
"You should be grateful for what you have."
Each of these statements, though often said with good intentions, can minimize the pain of infertility. They imply that we’re not doing enough, that we’re not trying hard enough, or worse—that our struggle is somehow our fault.
What to Say Instead
So, what should people say instead? The truth is, you don’t need the perfect words. You just need to show up with empathy.
✔ "I'm here for you."
✔ "That sounds really hard. Do you want to talk about it?"
✔ "You don’t have to go through this alone."
Why This Matters
This campaign is a much-needed conversation starter. It reminds us that infertility is not just a medical issue—it’s a mental health issue, a relationship issue, a lifelong emotional journey. The more we educate others on the impact of words, the more we create a culture of true support and understanding.
If you’ve been on the receiving end of these comments, know this: 1in 6, you are not alone. And if you’re someone who loves someone going through infertility, let this be a reminder—your support doesn’t have to come in the form of advice. Just being there is enough. Let’s keep changing the conversation surrounding infertility.
Medical Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider or qualified medical professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog.
