Three years. It’s not a long time in the grand scheme of things. But A LOT happened in three years. Here is the rundown:
- one year trying on our own (27/28 years old)
- 5 iui’s, first three with clomid, 2 with letrozole
- 6 fresh cycle IVFs
- two miscarriages
- one ectopic with a lap to remove some heavy endometriosis
- two failed cycles
- last cycle, we had two babies stick but only one made it.
In all this time, I went to fertility yoga religiously. My teacher was Beth, she was the kindest person I had ever met. She tolerated my craziness, hormones or no hormones. But when I was at my lowest, she gave me (and everyone else in the class) the space to grieve. We don’t really get that. I was very guilty of running into the next cycle when I had a negative beta or loss. It felt like I needed to keep pushing and time was of the essence. Which it is in some cases. But in those moments where she made me slow down, I felt I could start healing.
Once we finally graduated the RE, I still stayed in the fertility yoga class. Too scared to move into prenatal. What if I lost this one too? Beth let me stay for a little longer, eventually getting my butt over to her prenatal class. Which I loved. Connecting with the baby I worked so hard for was something I was terrified to do, I realized.
What did fertility yoga do for me in those three years? Sure, I can talk about all the physical benefits. Reduced stress and muscle tension. Increase blood flow to the reproductive organs. But what it did for me emotionally is what kept me going back.
It was a safe place. I could feel my emotions fully there. Excited for a new cycle, overwhelmed with medication, or crushed to my core about a loss. At the start of class, we had some time to discuss where we were in our treatments or cycles. Somehow Beth was always able to connect with each of us and give us what we needed in that class, physically through poses or emotionally through meditation.
So, during my infertility journey, I realized I wanted to be that safe space for others going through this. We often feel we have to hide from the world when we are going through something difficult. It was so comforting to be seen during my journey.
So, I found a program to get certified as a Fertility Support Practitioner. In getting certified, I realize there is so much work to do to support those on this journey.
I was where you are. I see you.