“January 4, 2014: “I know I was meant to be a mother… I always envisioned having 3 or 4 children. We bought our first house, a 3-bedroom home, envisioning our children growing up in there. But now what I have come to find out is that I may never be able to become pregnant. I feel guilty because I look at my husband who is the most amazing man in the whole world. Someone who would be be the most amazing father in the whole world… and I don’t know how long it will be before he becomes one. I don’t know if I’ll ever get pregnant. I don’t know if our child will have his genes or will be adopted. And I know when he married me, he never imagined I would struggle to get pregnant.” My diagnosis? Hypogonadotrophic hypogonadism. In short, I don’t ovulate. It was ALL me.
When I was asked to share my story, I came across the above journal entry from when I was first starting IVF. Looking back, it brings tears to my eyes… The feelings are so RAW and real no matter how long it has been.
It completely guts me to the core for those who also struggle with infertility and/or loss. Loss of an embryo(s) or baby. Failed cycles. When I read or hear these stories, my heartache is visceral. I know that pain. I know how it feels to be on the other side, wanting so desperately to cling on to hope, but, not sure you have any hope left.
But, my wish is this. I wish is that in sharing my story, it gives YOU hope that you, too, will become a mother. Because you WILL. And until then, I send you love and prayers and baby dust or whatever you need to help you through what is by far, one of the most difficult things I have ever endured. But there IS hope. After multiple failed IUIs, a failed IVF transfer (of 2 embryos), I have been blessed by three kiddos that are proof there is hope. Science and hope are powerful beyond measure. Surround yourself with those who will instill hope and love in you each and every day, until, you too, have your miracle baby.”