My husband and I had been trying for 6 years before I finally got pregnant. We found out on 10/3/14. We were so excited. But that quickly turned to concern when I started spotting and having pain on my right side. We went to the ER. I remember they did an ultrasound and just stayed quiet the entire time. The doctor came in and told me I had an ectopic pregnancy. She wanted to do surgery immediately, but I refused. They kept me overnight to watch me. My HCG levels started to drop so they figured I was miscarrying. I was given methotrexate to ensure my pregnancy was terminated. That was 10/6/14. I know that baby wouldn’t have ever been born, but it was devastating nonetheless.
On 3/20/16, I got another positive pregnancy. This time we were terrified. I got into the OB early and they did an ultrasound. They saw a sac in my uterus. But I was still spotting. They couldn’t tell how far along I was. They watched my Beta HCG levels. They seemed to be rising normally. They figured I was about 4-5 weeks, too early to see anything. I was scheduled for another ultrasound on 4/1/16. This time she saw our baby’s heartbeat in my left fallopian tube. I was 7 weeks along. Another ectopic pregnancy. I couldn’t stop crying, I couldn’t stop shaking. Why is this happening again?
It all happened so fast after that. The tech called the doctor. The doctor said we have to take your tube and baby. This has to happen now. We left the office, went home for a second, and then off to the hospital. Paperwork, nurses, doctors. My OB/GYN came in and asked if I wanted him to look at my right tube. I said yes. I remember one nurse asking me about what I wanted to have done with my baby’s remains. And then I panicked. I panicked all the way into the OR. I panicked on the operating table before the surgery. I panicked until the anesthesiologist put a mask on my face saying it was oxygen and I couldn’t remember a thing. I woke up in recovery. The nurse who was taking care of me was nice. She told me what happened. They took my left tube and baby. My right tube was scarred shut. My only chance to have a biological child was with IVF. My heart broke in a million pieces for the second time that day. My husband told me later that my tube was minutes from bursting. I could have died. I remember not being able to sleep for weeks. I would play back everything in my head wondering why. Why was this happening to us?
Physically, I was ok about a month later. Mentally and emotionally, I was heartbroken and extremely sad. I grieved every day for the babies we lost. I remember finding a discharge paper from the hospital a few weeks after everything happened. And it had a TOD (time of death) for our baby on it. And I lost it all over again. I still to this day find myself wondering what could have been. It just wasn’t meant to be.
I tried looking into IVF several times after everything happened. But I couldn’t look at it without crying. I knew I couldn’t do it until I could research everything without crying. That time finally came about 2 months later. I almost talked myself out of it. But my brother told me I was meant to be a mom. And that if I didn’t at least try, I would spend the rest of my life wondering what if. I asked him, what if it doesn’t work? What do I do then? He said to me, but what if it does? Holding onto that hope is what let me move forward.
We chose a clinic that had the best IVF success rates in our state. After two cycles of stimulation meds, polyp removal surgery, having to regrow my uterine lining for 2 months, and acupuncture….I finally had our son transferred into my uterus on 3/31/17. On 4/14/17, I got a call from my nurse saying we were pregnant! It was such a great day. I continued progesterone shots for two months to help support the pregnancy. 22 gauge needles injecting oil into your muscles every day for two months was rough. I was willing to endure anything to bring our son into the world.
My pregnancy went well. I was induced at 40 weeks due to having gestational diabetes and our son was getting too big. I gave birth on 12/15/17 to our beautiful son. He’s almost 16 months old now. He’s handsome, smart, funny, rambunctious, and everything I have ever dreamed of. Even to this day, I look at our little miracle and get teary eyed thinking about how much it took to bring him here. 2 rounds of egg stimulation, 3 surgeries in 8 months, 40 doctor’s visits (each requiring a lab draw and/or ultrasound, and 237 injections. I would do it again a thousand times just for him.