Everyone’s journey to parenthood is unique and beautiful but I didn’t always feel that way.
We struggled to have children “naturally” for 5 years. I knew in my bones I wanted to be a mother so when it didn’t happen I was frustrated, heartbroken, bitter and sad. I had no idea I was developing the underlining layers of depression that would one day lead to postpartum depression.
In year 3 we began the infertility path.
Medications, 3 failed IUI’s, 2 IVF specialists and the dreaded conversation, “it’s time for IVF.” I remember sitting in that cold office, broken again, hearing we needed to spend our future children’s college fund to even have them.
IVF was made to seem like it would be easy – not in my case.
I went into hyperstimulation which meant we had to postpone our transfer another month. 30 more days to wait to be a mother felt like another 10 years. Our first frozen transfer of our 2 embryos worked! We were pregnant but 8 weeks later we lost the pregnancy.
A miscarriage was the most painful experience my soul has ever had.
We waited another 30 days to have our 2nd frozen transfer. The call we waited for, “congrats mama!” It worked again. But for how long I thought? For the first 6 months of my pregnancy I was terrified to sneeze. Then in May 2014 our beautiful perfect baby girl was placed in my arms. I became a mother.
My journey was difficult but no different than yours.
In the heartache I now see I was being built for days like this to bring strength to those who have nothing left to give. To tell my daughter one day her story. To give hope to the hopeless. Trust the process. Surround yourself with like-minded people. And dance like no one is watching.